sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is her dick bigger than yours?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
