If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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