So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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