anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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