She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
