How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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