You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
