chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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