Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
