Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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