You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
