You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
