I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
