Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
