her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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