Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
