We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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