turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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