Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
