listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
