I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
