Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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