Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think I sprained my soul last night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
