I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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