The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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