like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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