So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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