Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
