careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
