i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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