maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
