we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
