I think I am morally bankrupt
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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