I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
