I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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