if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
