I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
