none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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