I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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