do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
