I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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