Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
