In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize