i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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