you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
