It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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