I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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