How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
