if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
