there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
