So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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