that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
