If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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