You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
