I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
