my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
