all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
