I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
