I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
