I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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