The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
