hell yes lets make some ravioli
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
