I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
