She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
