hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
