i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
