seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize