I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
