i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
