she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
