I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
