Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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