i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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