you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
