1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize